But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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