I wish I could teleport
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
