Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
