you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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