New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
