How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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