Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
