If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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