can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
