My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
