I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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