girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There r osticjed everywhere
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
