if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
