I just pynch a tree in the face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
