seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
