So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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