you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
