On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
