He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
