If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
