I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
