FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
