so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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