Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
