About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
