So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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