elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
