Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
