i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
