there's paper in my vomit.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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