who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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