what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
