i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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