It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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