guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
