Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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