She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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