the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
