You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
