her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
