hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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