try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
