Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
