She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
