Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I understand Curling. That high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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