hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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