I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
