In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
