I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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