i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
