your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
